In life we tend to compartmentalize life into parts, such as our work, our health, our religion, our friends, our family, our leisure and so on. Within these sectioned areas, we also tend to be different, as in how we perceive the roles need us to be - how we behave, how we treat others, the way we think, how we move, the ideals and beliefs we hold, and the expectations and boundaries we see each one to have.
We can even have roles within roles, and from here we tend to get caught in the trap that, all that ‘doing in life’ and those ‘behaviours and patterns’ we use in each one are then actually ‘us, when in fact, in-truth, they are not. (I speak here from experience of seeing, working through and letting go of the many roles I once played out and even thought were me)
The roles, behaviours, patterns, ideals, beliefs and the familiarity with playing these roles, roles we have built over up the years (perhaps even lifetimes) in the boxed areas of our lives, can become something that when challenged, we can find ourselves defending at all cost. These chosen ingrained patterns that we have chosen to live all along are just that – patterns and behaviours, which are not us in truth. So why do we identify with them and defend them? And who benefits?
Even being honest and nominating these as something we have falsely accepted and thought to be who we are is a great step and also a step that can expose just how much we want to hold onto them with dear life, for without them – who are we? This can feel scary - really scary.
Who are we without the roles of our job title, without our education, without our religion, without our family, without our achievements, without our friends, without our state of health, without our sports or being 'the boss' or 'the bully' or 'the victim' or 'the good helper' even? Really what is left? . . . This is exactly how I felt over eleven years ago during pregnancy when I could no longer exercise to the excessiveness I was, I could no longer work or could no longer socialize or go out as I use to and I no longer had the look and figure. Everything that I identified myself at that time with, was taken away (that's how I saw it at the time) and what I was left with was a very empty feeling of all I had identified with and accepted to be me in life, at the expense of my beautiful inner quality. A quality that I could not relate to as being me at that time.
And so the road to developing being with my Soul, as called to me by my Soul began.
I started to let myself feel and be honest with how I was and what I wanted to do to honour me. I used the Gentle Breath Meditation to support me connecting to myself and I began to develop a known quality and marker. I slowly started to live life from this inner-beauty one step at a time, giving it the attention it and I truly deserved. For many years this was a bit of a back and forth process as I was heavily laced with ideals and beliefs, how I thought the world was, how I needed and expected it to be and what I had been taught of life thus far. For some period there I even tainted this truer way of being with my past conditioning as these were the filters I looked at life through. Now I bring understanding as this is part of the process.
Eleven years after what I once thought was a catastrophic event in my life I can now see was a pure blessing. A blessing that highlighted the falsity I had accepted life to be. Today, I am living me from the inside out, letting myself forever deepen my quality knowing that it is this quality that brings more outer care and love to the world.
For me now. . . It’s about One-life, a one quality that I bring to everything I do to the best of my ability. No more masks, no more roles, no more of not being me – this means continuing to nominate and look at any false patterns and behaviours that pop up.
To me, developing a relationship with self and letting that inner-wisdom guide the outer, not only results in the life we lead but is the only way to truly be.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Graduate Certificate of Early Childhood, Studying Diploma of Counselling, Esoteric Complementary Health Practitioner, Woman, Teacher, Mother, Wife and Friend